With any luck, maybe this habit will stick and I will commit to journaling in a public format. Even in these first few words it feels like this act is for me more than anyone else, to slow myself down and to remember the ways that I am seeking out new ways of viewing the world and my place in it. I have been looking forward to this trips for a few months now and finally it has come to a head and I am going to try to make the most of it. I think that this will do good for me, to detach and to connect with something that is an experience in the world and not an experience solely of the mind.

The travel to get to my destination has already made the trip worth it. Beginning with a long drive to Chicago to catch my flight, I arrived early enough that I had to wait in the baggage check line for nearly an hour since I cannot stand to run on time for flights, even when it is a 4 hour drive to get to the airport, to catch a 9 hour flight, and then a 6 hour layover, and another 4 hour flight (back the way that we came).

Why Iceland? Truthfully, I am unsure of why Iceland, it seemed like a good of a place as any of them, and the price of the ticket was right so I went for it. I cannot help but think of Disney’s Atlantic and Milo Thatch pulling their company of people to Iceland to search for lost treasure and secrets beyond belief. Its funny to think about secrets in this way. I can’t help but wonder about my own secrets and what I am hoping to find in Iceland. There have been many times that I have used a phrase when talking to people in times of hope as well as times of loss or change or growth, I have left them with the parting words of “I hope that you find what you’re looking for.”, with the implicit and deeply felt understanding that I am not part of that journey for meaning making and purpose building.

There is a lot of wondering in these reflective moments (and I am writing this as it is ~5:00 am Eastern Time and I have not slept because it is 11:50 am local, Stockholm time), but when I think of meaning making and movement, Ahmed comes to mind, she speaks of lifelines and the movements and habits of life that give meaningful texture to the experience. When you move against and beyond these lifelines and ways of unquestioned habit, it is in these moment of confusion that growth occurs as new ways of thought burst forth. It is in this mode that I seek to enjoy this trip, to expand, not by scholarly activity, but through movement itself.

Fast Forward to May 12th, I am sitting in Skuli Craft Brewery and hoping to continue the trend of reflection on my last evening in this gorgeous city. I need to ask myself, did I find what I was looking for? In truth I am never sure what I am looking for except through the moments and questions that I make little choices towards the larger better of myself, my friends, and the world. It is usually in those moments that I remind myself that at the end of it all, existentialism is a humanism and in this human moment there is great power to change the world.

I think that I did find what I was looking for, for moments I have been able to remove myself from the stress of day to day work and school and stress, and while I have check my email occasionally, it has all been well. I think that Iceland has helped me to slow down and to seek out connections in this country of strangers. I was looking for a place to rest and to look forward to the future and I think I found that.

To the future in mind though, I don’t know what it will bring except that I am moving towards it in as chaotic a way as can be expected and I am excited and terrified of what it will ring in for my and those I know. There is so much unpredictability in the world but also so many moments of rest if you can find the time to savor those.